Women Know

We live each others' pain, so we do not have to look at our own. You know it. I know it. We hide. Some in our work, Some in the flesh of the man we give our wetness to, Some in our fantasies of wealth or riches, Or the ripeness of another woman's lips, In our striving for independence,,, Or the soft fuzzy faces of the pets that greet us at the door or sleep in our beds We allow ourselves to settle. Even as we live our strength, Our competency, Our efficiency, Our control. We were pure once. We gave our hearts away. We try to forget the pain. We bury it. Not everyday... We don't have to It is buried so deep We forget to remember. We live. We laugh. We love ...maybe. We seek out our sisters. We listen. We share, But not too much Never that much, Not the whole package of pain. Not all the "I'm sorrys" that we heard over and over again. We dare not see it, Or give it life one more time. Afraid that we will fail to slay it again., survive it again. Shhhhhhhh..... It's ok my sister. It is all right. I know you lost your self back then. I lost myself too. We go on. We feel joy. We finally find the Divinity within. But we dare not acknowledge it enough to give it away again. NOT LIKE WE DID BEFORE, Not like so very long ago. It can never be the way that it was. I can never be the way that I was. You can never be the way that you were. Purity, Innocence, We sample a taste sometimes, Sometimes we allow ourselves to remember. Then we let it go. It can never happen again. It can never be as it was. You know it.... I know it. Feel my pain, I will feel yours. But we dare not allow ourselves to feel our own PAIN again. Life is too short. We need to be strong women. We can never really let go of all of those empty, ..."I'm sorrys." We just can't. They changed us forever. Every woman knows it. I know it. You know it. 2012

9-11 LET US NOT FORGET

I AM A NEW YORKER


I AM A NEW YORKER
I may not live there now but I was born there.

I AM A NEW YORKER
I slept as a child to its
streets humming with traffic,
to the clink of the token into the el train turn style
I heard
Its subways screech
Its cash registers buzz
its church bells ring
Its ferries signal their going out and their coming in

I AM A NEW YORKER
I looked up at
its neon lights
its peoples’ worn, determined faces
it trees
its great lady in the harbor
its skyscrapers standing strong and eminent
its pigeons perched
its museums filled with inspiration
Its theaters filled with tears, and laughter and music and dance
its shop windows filled with magic and promise and wishes

I AM A NEW YORKER
I smelled its smoke
its hot dogs and pretzels
its chestnuts and gyros
its pizza and egg rolls
ts briny river water
Its factory pollution
the urine in its stairway corners
its warm musty subway stations at once both repulsive and comforting

I AM A NEW YORKER
I hear its calls now
I am glued to the news of this nightmare
With one objective eye I try to make sense of it
while the other eye is blinded by my tears
I see it, and I take it in
I see it and I cannot bear to take it in

I AM A NEW YORKER
I look at a black smoky abyss in the middle of MY City and my body feels beaten in
Like that empty pit when your lover has left you
that empty pit that cannot be filled with tears or hugs or reassurances.
I contemplate what may never feel real to me.
I am violated.
As if someone burned down my home with my family in it and I had to watch .
And there was nothing I could do



They lost there lives there.
People just like myself
People who worked hard everyday to do the right thing
To kiss their families hello and goodbye
To pay their bills and hope for something left over for that special celebration
People who came home every night tired and worn
But who set aside a smile for their husband or wife, or mother ,or dad, or daughter, or son,
or lover, or friend.
And then got up the next day and did the same all over again so they could go on making their list of dreams.

I AM A NEW YORKER
I knew them all so well.
The ones that could not run,or seeing the hopelessness of it,the ones that chose not to try.
The ones who lost there lives there
The heroic firemen,police, and so many more
They died there.
While I watched
They died.

I AM A NEW YORKER
The strength of my city could not save them
I hear
I see
I smell
I taste
I feel
Oh how I feel the pain !
I AM A NEW YORKER
I AM A CITIZEN OF THAT CITY
OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY
OF THIS TROUBLED WORLD

AND YOU ARE SO WITH ME
LET US NOT FORGET
9-11- 2001
Let US remember together
As I AM you are,
As you are I AM.



Written by Maria Kelly (copyright)
September 17,2001